this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You took a bar mat shot.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
