'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize