What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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