you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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