Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (853) Bad night (2802)
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  (619): View more from California

  I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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  (619): I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/qtfu
  Replies (11) Good night (3522) Bad night (1481)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it

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  (480): Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it http://tfl.nu/4lbe
  Replies (16) Good night (692) Bad night (4277)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

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  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
  Replies (45) Good night (7491) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

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  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3737) Bad night (5519)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.

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  (210): If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings. http://tfl.nu/8q1l
  Replies (9) Good night (4331) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality

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  (708): I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality http://tfl.nu/1jam
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (836)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.

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  (603): He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it. http://tfl.nu/lxzp
  Replies (6) Good night (1300) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

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  (630): I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So? http://tfl.nu/1vsx
  Replies (6) Good night (659) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night

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  (301): Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night http://tfl.nu/cuhc
  Replies (2) Good night (1336) Bad night (423)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (2044) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...

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  (440): Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet... http://tfl.nu/o56f
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...

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  (910): Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history... http://tfl.nu/c2a0
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?

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  (843): Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me? http://tfl.nu/xg65
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Of course I have a pirate flag

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  (630): Of course I have a pirate flag http://tfl.nu/t3eo
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (286)

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