is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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