the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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