Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think i have two assholes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize