the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops