I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.