a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.