we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nutella sex= disaster
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.