Texts From Last Night

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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.

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  (870): Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine. http://tfl.nu/j38c
  Replies (56) Good night (5841) Bad night (1397)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually

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  (501): My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually http://tfl.nu/zmvh
  Replies (19) Good night (8136) Bad night (841)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

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  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7779) Bad night (2162)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.

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  (970): I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower. http://tfl.nu/95p5
  Replies (8) Good night (3316) Bad night (1235)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

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  (773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln
  Replies (8) Good night (1303) Bad night (2867)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.

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  (519): he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today. http://tfl.nu/4qok
  Replies (4) Good night (3415) Bad night (789)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

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  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (6461) Bad night (1130)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?

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  (+49): In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life? http://tfl.nu/2p4e
  Replies (2) Good night (1458) Bad night (1583)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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  (248): We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod. http://tfl.nu/ciwq
  Replies (3) Good night (2220) Bad night (1648)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.

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  (443): i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk. http://tfl.nu/ry9j
  Replies (3) Good night (1267) Bad night (510)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.

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  (416): BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/cryj
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (452)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days

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  (917): Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days http://tfl.nu/z3dv
  Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (401)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.

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  (262): Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs. http://tfl.nu/5llv
  Replies (10) Good night (699) Bad night (393)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Cheese only

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  (606): Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort. (606): Cheese only http://tfl.nu/r3u9
  Replies (5) Good night (1013) Bad night (381)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.

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  (989): I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to. http://tfl.nu/3w2a
  Replies (1) Good night (550) Bad night (184)

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