i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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