a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
