I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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