There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
