JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
