I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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