Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
