he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize