So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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