you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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