Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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