This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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