Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
