But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize