I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
