So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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