the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I could fuck to npr.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
