Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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