Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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