I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
