love makes seman taste better
I cut my penus on the lid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
