Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
