If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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