remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
