franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
