Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
