If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
