dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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