Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
