listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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