We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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