Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
