I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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