He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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