man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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