no, he came in my armpit
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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