so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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