I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
