and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
