I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
