Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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