Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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