He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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