just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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