Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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