I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
