remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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