That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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