hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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