Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
