im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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