i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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