member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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