Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
