i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
