yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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