I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
