Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
